Many celebrities were in Hell, including a large representation from the world of music. Among them there was Johnny Bigshot, whom Harcourt met one day.
Johnny Bigshot was a pop star. He was a rock star. He was a star in hip-hop, popular jazz, folk music, world music, alternative and every kind of music there was as he was very fluid when it came to genre. Sadly, he had never been good in any of them. He was a lousy singer, an inept musician. He had what is often referred to as a ‘tin ear.’
But that was no barrier to success. You could fudge a lot in the studio.
A good part of Johnny’s problem was his complete lack of interest in music. He was into music merely as a way to become a hugely popular celebrity, one with clothing lines and perfumes and who could wear a lot of ‘bling.’
Harcourt was a bit put off by his meeting with Johnny. The celebrity had a strange way of looking at him yet not actually seeing him. It was creepy, Harcourt thought. Johnny even grabbed Harcourt’s hand at one point and with a felt-tipped marker autographed it.
It made Harcourt feel icky.
Johnny was tremendously frustrated in Hell. Being a celebrity, he expected to get “sexed up,” as he enjoyed putting it.
He would actually cry out, in a booming voice, “Who wants to play hide the salami?” As he did he would point at his overly padded crotch as the source of potential fun and frolic.
No one would answer, however, except for the sad and thin little man with receding hair and squiggly smile. He would always answer, “I would!”
His name was Arland. He was in Hell for “no good reason” (as the Devil liked to put it).
By the way, Johnny Bigshot’s real name was Joe Brown. He was from the suburbs.
